Food

I am in a very instable relationship right now. It has been going on for years, and it has become too big a part in my life to let go. I know that our relationship is bad. Terrible actually and getting a little worse every day. But I also know that it almost impossible to let go and change things. It is a relationship that has consumed my life in an almost indulgent way. It moved in my life a long time ago which incredible force and does not plan on leaving, even after I had said, out loud in fact, that things were going to change. It’s has truly taken over me in ways that affect my work, my friends, my family and myself. I have to end it. I know it too. My relationship with Food…is extremely unhealthy (pun intended. Wait is that a even a pun?). I have always known that my relationship with Food was no good and dare I say cruel? I have no intention on finishing that plate of fries that came with my order but it screams at me. “Bitch Please! Eat them all!” And I find myself obeying even thought I told myself that I was only going to have a few. I try to stop myself a few times but Food is not having anything and is even madder now, if at all possible. “What did I just tell you? I told you to eat all of them! IF you stop again, this is only going to get harder. It’s only going to get worse. Try it. I double dog dare you.” And then the plate is clean. I don’t even remember it happening. Had I blacked out? Food smirks at me because it knows that it won. Fries are usually the biggest problem. Breakfast foods are worse though because they gang up on me as a team and do it when I am weakest. The worst and most abusive of them all… is chocolate. I have tried to say no to chocolate my entire life but the sneaky little bastard will never go away. Even when it is not there, I think about it. I dream about it. I even fantasize about it. I know, it’s sick. Chocolate has taken control over most of my life and it knows it too. Chocolate knows that I will never say no to it and that is the problem and the source of most of my own issues. The problem is that I don’t hate it. I don’t had any of them. I love them and that is the problem. I love them too much to say good-bye. Also, they will always be there. I cannot get away as much as I would like to. There is an irresistible factor that comes with food that is the main driving point of this relationship. It’s beautiful, it smells intoxicating, you know you are going to feel good while you are with it. All I want is to be able to let go but I know deep in my heart, I am pretty much stuck in this relationship and it will always be a part of me for the rest of my life. They say that acceptance is the first step in admitting you have a problem. Well I accept that I have this problem, now please excuse me. I need to go get something warm, deep friends and covered in chocolate.

What? I’m told you that I was accepting this.

Putting the Fuse in Confused,

C

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Salty-Sweet Cycle

I have to start this post off with a disclaimer. I am sure that I am not the first person to discover this and thus am not coining this term. Actually… I’m positive that I didn’t discover this because someone else actually told me their personal take on this a few years ago. Well now that we are off to a good start, let’s get on to the point. It is not secret that I love to eat. I tell people that my spirit animal is a Hobbit. I typically eat 5 or 6 small meals throughout the day. This basically means I almost never stop eating. I like to blame this on what I call the “Salty-Sweet Cycle” which I am sure some of you have also suffered from. So I’ll explain.

Whenever I eat something flavorful, rich or salty, my sweet-tooth starts acting up. Then once I eat something sweet or sugary, guess what happens. I want something salty. It never ends. I’ll give you a small scale example. It’s mid afternoon, I just had a lovely second lunch of leftover chicken salad with a balsamic vinaigrette dressing. Then suddenly I need a cookie. I guess I should make this clear that I don’t “want” a cookie. I “need” a cookie. So I will have a chocolate chip cookie. Then I head back to the pantry and grab a handful of pretzels. I get half way through the handful before I get out the jar of Nutella to dip my pretzels in. Once the pretzels are gone, cashews and in my hand. By this point, it’s almost time for early dinner and who knows if I’ll be hungry for late supper. And it’s not ever a hunger issue with me. I can be very full and still crave either the salty or the sweet.

There have been situations in my life when it has affected my relationships. Roommates that are baffled “How is there room for more pizza after we just finished the chocolate cake?”, family members that are in acceptance “What? Only 6 servings? Are you not feeling well?” and then the friends who just think I’m weird. “No, I don’t think I want to go out for ice cream, I’m am so stuffed. Ummmm, sure. I guess you can still get ice cream during my birthday dinner.” So for anyone else out there suffering from the Salty-Sweet Cycle, I am here to tell you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Unless, this doesn’t happen to anyone else ever. Then I guess I am alone… I’m going to grab some popcorn and gummy worms as I think about that.

Putting the Fuse in Confused,

C