WTF?! (What the Face?!)

Makeup is hard. It really really is. It’s actually a bit mental just how much I struggle every day. I used to be confused when I was younger at why some people actually took classes in how to do their makeup. It’s a waste of time and money I would think and scoff at these supposed grownups. But now I am eating crow, majorly. To start this all off, I will bring up the issue that seems to be pretty constant amongst most of my make-up wearing peers. My eyeliner is never, ever, ever, ever, ever even on both of my eyes. It never was and never will be. Forever. And ever. Period. Also, what is a cat eye? I know what it looks like but I also think it is physically impossible unless you are ambidextrous.  

I know for a fact, that 90% of the time that my foundation does not match my neck. Even when I blend it (or attempt to blend it), my face is almost always a different color. I personally believe this is because my skin color changes every day. I know it sounds crazy but I really do think mine does. I am a relatively olive skin that can go back and forth between tan and pale very quickly depending on how long my drive home was and what and the sun was facing me in that short duration. I am not the kind of person who is able to buy a bunch of different foundations that are all just slightly off of each other. And even if I was and was, there is still a small chance of success of me still being able to match myself. Why do I wear foundation in the first place though? Because, truthfully it just makes me feel better. I have a lot of strange freckles and get very blotchy red patches all over my face when I am in any motion. And I mean basic every day motions. Examples include, going up a flight of stairs, laughing at anything slightly funny, standing up too quickly, sitting down too quickly, taking a too big of a gulp of water, pacing while trying to remember if I turned the stove off that morning, etc. So I like to put on foundation so that I have just a little more pigment consistency throughout the day. This the two tone is a problem that I am putting on myself but it is a problem none the less. And we can’t even get into the “cakey” foundation problem because it makes me think of cake and if I start talking about cake, this post will actually never end until I actually get cake. Also, raise your hand if you have ever sneezed into a tissue after you do your foundation and your snot is just foundation. That has definitely ruined my day more than once.

And to continue with the face in general, I do not contour or use blush, because I do not know how or even really understand it if I have to be honest. The first time I tried it via many many YouTube video, I scared a bunch of kids. Thank goodness it was Halloween or else that could have been awkward. I also do not need blush. Because as I explained with the foundation, I turn red in the cheeks all the time anyways. I have a few separate incidents in my memories of climbing up a flight of stair or sped walked to a meeting and getting complements on my “blush”. Nope, just my face. My nature blush forcing itself to be spot lighted under either too dark or too light layers of foundation.

Overall though when I examine my face as a whole, it’s mostly my eyebrows. How do you actually do eyebrows. Does anyone know how to do eyebrows? I actually think everyone is making this one as they go. I have always had misshaped, thick in the wrong was, sparse eyebrows. At some point in high school a friend took me to get them waxed for the first time which changed everything. Then this past year, I have experimented with filling them in with different powders and pencils. But I never seem to have a good eyebrow day. My eyebrows are never “on fleek” or whatever the kids are saying now a days. They look decent from a distance, but once you get a bit closer, something is always just a bit off. They say that practice makes perfect but for my eyebrows, I’m pretty sure that is the opposite. I actually think it might be getting worse. I can never seem to get the pencil or the brush to make the product do what I want it to do. I have gone full days looking perpetually confused just because I might have put one eyebrow a bit higher than the other, or just slightly anger because I drew them in just a little too close. The endless combinations have give my face brand new expression which would seem like a good thing at first glance but when you face is stuck like that for 8 hours and you don’t really notice until you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror right before take your make up off for the day. I could just quit. But as they say, once you add something to your make up routine, it’s hard to go back. With every new part of my face that I attempt to learn how to smush product on, I find that it has suddenly become embedded into my daily face painting routine. And the eyebrows are no exception. I do my eyebrows everyday even though I went years of not knowing that doing your eyebrows was actually a thing. So every day, I take a deep breath, grab whatever device I am attempting to configure that day and look at my eyebrows in the mirror. “Are you going to work today?” I ask them and in reaction,  my face moves on it’s own to the question I asked. They seem to spring upward towards my forehead like two puppies who heard the word “chicken.” The subsequent very wrinkled part of my forehead seems to counter with an “oh please” look of tiredness. I think even my face is done with me complaining by this point.

Putting the Fuse in Confused,