The Most Shameful Thing I did in Atlantic City

I went to my first bachelorette party a few weekends ago and I did something that I feel like I will regret very much so in the future. So to start at the beginning, we went to Atlantic City as one does and I guess I was blindsided by all the fun colors and pretty cocktail waitresses walking by but all I can really say for sure was that I was just not in the right state of mind that entire weekend. I was of course happy for my friend who is getting married which is why we were celebrating…which is also why I had to drink all that tequila. I’ll paint a quick picture for you: pre-gaming a little too hard because we started too late, somehow ending up at a strip club, getting fries at one in the morning and stumbling back to our hotel room somewhere between 3am and sunrise. We found our hallway and we were gradually making our way back I saw something silver catch my eye. It was the top of a serving platter, you know the ones that they have when you get room service. There was this tray sitting outside the room two doors down from us, and I stared at it because, 1) not gonna lie the food looks delicious even half eaten and 2) there were two uneaten dinner rolls and one practically uneaten chocolate cake. Me and my roommate stared at the tray as if it was the freaking Mona Lisa (if the Mona Lisa were made out of carbs, which would make it approximately a million times better). And we both were thinking the same thing, we wanted someone else’s discarded leftovers… and we wanted them bad. We silently contemplated this for a little bit before finally deciding to walking back to our room, not taking someone else’s food that they did not want and again silently agreeing that it was all probably touched and sneezed on.

But then out of nowhere at the last second, my friend whipped around, ran back, grab the dinner rolls and was sprinting back to our room. And in that moment of panic and also slightly impressed by her courage, I grab the plate of partially eaten chocolate cake, ran back only to stop halfway to go put the actual plate back down and grab the chocolate cake with my bare hands running into the door as she try to close it Indiana Jones style. After enjoying our rolls and half a piece of cake each, we were pleasantly happy with ourselves and not regretful at all. Until that terrible moment that I remembered this vital fact that somehow slipped my mind (I blame Mr. Tequila) about how hotel rooms tend video ¬†everything going on in their rooms for me legal reasons because Americans sue for everything nowadays. But they also record to catch weird shit like this. Our wonderful bride to be was walking down the hallway just in time to see me crawling on my hands and knees looking up lamp posts and into the carpet trying to find hidden cameras everywhere. She took a second to digest what she was seeing before commenting “You look like the Grudge.” To which I responded “No I don’t! Now stop being crazy and help me find the secret cameras!” In her defense…I saw the footage of myself crawling all over the place that she lovingly took to time to Snapchat, and I must admit I did look pretty demented. She actually showed the video to my roommate who was lying down on the bed and it scared her so much that she jumped up and hit her head really hard on the headboard and ended up with a hug headache. It was that bad When I finally came back to my room not finding any cameras I realize my second mistake now not only does this hotel have video footage of me stealing chocolate cake with my bare hands or, I should specify, already eaten chocolate cake with my bare hands, they also have a decent amount of footage of me crawling on my hands and knees she looking under a little bit of wallpaper in the carpets and anywhere else poking for the cameras which I obviously did not find. So I am watching the news religiously nowadays being wary of the fact that I might appear in one of those weird segment that will eventually become a viral video. So when I went to Atlantic City I did not gamble at all but I left the city feeling that I loss something very valuable at the hotel. My dignity.

Putting the Fuse in Confused,

~C

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