10 Relatively “Common” Things I Will Never Do

1) Jump out of an airplane. No matter how many Youtube Videos I watch of famous people doing it, I will never voluntarily hurl myself out of a flying object just so I can plummet to the earth for an adrenaline rush.

2) Own a Cat. Cats hate me. It’s a well known fact. If I got a cat, I know that it would be the reason for my early death. Because it killed me. So it could feast on my flesh.

3) Go an any roller coaster where people have reported to have “blacked out” on it. Why? Just why? I mean don’t get me wrong, I love roller coasters. But why???

4) Drink any mixed drink that is made inside of a huge trash can. This one is a little bit of a cheat (this one is actually more “things I will never do….again”). One, it’s out a trash can. Who knows if that’s the host’s actual trash can. Who knows what’s been in it or whose potentially thrown up in it, or if it still has remnants of a different mixed trash can drink. It’s just a mistake.

5) Slap the Bag. Please Reference 4 for main points.

6) Ride a Tandem Bike. I am clumsy and fall down a lot in most activities I do. This is just a way for me to take someone down with me when I crash and burn.

7) Go see a horror movie in theatres. I actually really like horror movies… as long as the screen is small, all of the lights are on in my house, it’s broad day light and I can pause it when things get too intense. And since I’m pretty sure at my age it’s unacceptable to pee your pants in public, I will not be going to see a scary film in a crowded movie theater ever.

8) Use a chain saw. I don’t see myself ever really needing to do this at any point in my life… and I hope I never do. I really hurt myself once trying to paper clip something. I would be the accidental cause of the next chain saw massacre.

9) Have a Twitter. I’m not judging anyone by any means. I think Twitter is a really neat form of social media. But if I had one, I would be super annoying. I just know myself. People would greatly dislike me. I would greatly dislike me.

10) Voluntarily poop in a public restroom while someone else is in there. I am one of those people who hates saying the word poop and am honestly really uncomfortable that I just wrote it down twice. I say voluntarily because what can you do when you are in the middle of your business and someone walks in? Do you freak out, come out of the stall, washing your hand slowly and wait for them to leave before you go back in to finish? I have only done that about 70% of the time. Sometime growing up means you have to grit and bear it (or should I say bear down?).

Putting the Fuse in Confused,



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