Irrational fears

  1. Bugs falling from the sky.

I hate bugs of all kind. Even when I step small ones with the thickest soled shoes I own, I cringe. And because of this, I have this horrible fear that bugs are going to rain down on me at any point. Like in those old black and white horror movies when the ceiling falls in and hundreds of thousands of cockroaches just pour out. Or in any movies about the Plagues of Egypt where the locus swarm. I am constantly keeping one eye at the sky so that I can run at the first sign of anything with more than 5 legs falling down. When it rains I think the streets are going to flood with worms and when it’s clear and sunny, I’m pretty sure the bees and caterpillars are going to completely take over. Only when it snows do I dance around outside rejoicing till I think that all the bugs are taking shelter in the walls of my own house. Then I start constructing an igloo.

  1. Being Buried Alive

Literally more than anything else in the whole entire world, my “death” fear being knocked out (or even just falling asleep) and then waking up and being underground. I think I must have seen a horror movie at sometime where this happened and I fear this happening to me more than drowning, being set on fire and falling off the edge of the Grand Canyon all combined in one. Maybe it’s because I’m slightly claustrophobic that thought of being buried alive makes me shiver so much but the other thing is that if I am going to go in some horrible dramatic way, I want to be able to at least flail my arms and legs around as it happens.

  1. Monsters in the closet

As a grown up in her early, soon to be mid-twenties, I find it a bit pathetic that I still can’t go to sleep unless all of my closet doors are wide open. You see this is because as long as they are open, I know that nothing but my clothes are in them. As a kid I was never scared of a monster under my bed but I was always terrified of a monster in the closet. (Again, who knows why.) This fear greatly intensified when in college, a bunch of my roommates took to hiding in each other’s closets when the other person was in class. And then popping out at inopportune moments.

  1. Inanimate objection suddenly gaining the ability to move and speak

I thought Toy Story was a really cute and wonderful movie but if I walked into my room and saw a bunch of my toys walking around and having a great time with each other, I would flip out. Even if it was a bunch of Hello Kitty dolls going, “Hi there! How wonderful it is to see you again. Would you like a cup of tea?” I would probably run out of the room screaming, but not before I literally shit a brick. And believe it or not, this is about 10% due to the horror movie “Chucky” and about 90% due to the little kids movie “Small Soldiers”. Only 90’s kids will know what I’m talking about. This isn’t just limited to toys either. Furniture, utensils, and especially toilets. I feel like if those had a mind of their own, they could cause some serious damage.

  1. Escalators

This one is the most irrational of all, but I have this perpetual fear of riding escalators. Have you ever seen the movie Elf and there is that scene where Will Ferrel’s character is trying to ride an escalator for the first time? For those who haven’t seen it, this is what happens:


This is kind of what happens to me, not to the extent that I’m doing the splits but I definitely have been known to stretch my legs between more than two steps. My fear is that I will trip and fall and because the escalator is constantly in motion I will either A) if it’s a down escalator I will tumble down at a much faster rate of B) if it’s an up escalator I will continue falling down while the steps push me up so I am basically tumbling in place. Also, getting off at the end is its own adventure. Afraid that I might get sucked under like in a Tom and Jerry cartoon, I tend to leap off the end. And remember than most likely my feet are on two different step so for half a second I resemble a gazelle in mid leap. I have been better over the years but like most of my quirks, I don’t expect this one will completely go away any point soon.

Putting the Fuse in Confused,



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