What’s wrong with me?

What’s wrong with me? A question I feel that I ask myself too often. It’s mainly due to my mouth. My stupid mouth that always starts speaking before I can fully form thoughts. The best way I can really describe is that, it’s not that I don’t have a filter when I talk, it’s more that I forget it’s there. Let me give you a recent example. Of course this begins with, I went to a party. It was at the apartment of my best friend and her boyfriend with just a smattering of people. Nothing too big. What I didn’t anticipate however was that my best friend’s boyfriend’s parents were going to be there. Not that this is an issue or anything, I had just never met them and I always try to leave good impressions on adults when I meet them for the first time. These two in particular were extremely nice, normal people. Poor things. They were in no way prepared for the confused weirdness that were about to meet.

Everything starts out normally. (That’s usually a bad sign) I am drinking a new beer I brought over, and am suddenly off put because it taste surprisingly gross. I grimace. “Not good?” my friend asks. “No, it’s really bad.” I take another test taste and shiver putting the beer down. “What does it taste like?”  someone asks. Now there are a million things I could have said to this. ‘I can’t explain it, I think it’s gone bad.’; ‘The after taste is too bitter.’; ‘It taste like that cheap stuff they have a frat parties.’; ‘I just don’t like it.’ All of those and a hundred other things about be socially acceptable. What did I say though? “It taste like holy water.”

It tastes like holy water.

Holy. Water.

Now I have never drank holy water, I promise. I haven’t been to church in years in fact, but I always remembered that, at least at the church I used to go to, holy water was an off brown shade, the same color of beer. (But now that I think about it, it may have been just the color of the basin it was in) Regardless when I was younger, I used to wonder what it tasted like. It probably just tasted like regular water but I used to think of all kinds of nasty, metallic, dirty tastes. So when I drink beverages that are light brown and have a bad taste, I think of holy water. It know. It’s weird. It’s just like how I think hospitals smell like spleens. Of course I have never actually smelled a spleen but when I think of hospital, I think of hospital dramas and specifically about episodes where the spleen is removed or compromised. I have no idea why, it’s just what always comes to my head. So as far as long as I could remember, the hospital smell has always been “spleen” to me. But I digress.

As you can imagine, everyone looks at me with a relatively understandable look of horror. I am even horrified at myself. “You….would drink the holy water…at church?????” I try to explain myself but of course this just make things worse. *insert actual face palm here* I should have just let it go or pretended I was joking instead of explaining why I’m so weird. Thank god my friend stopped me before I started explaining the spleen thing too. So back to the beginning of this post: What is wrong with me? I am starting to think being awkward is an actual diagnosable disorder. Normal people do not do this. So if any scientist out there want to do some research on this, this confused character and her blog would definitely be the perfect place start. Hopefully, if you have been feeling down about your awkward selves, I have made you feel at least a little better.

Putting the Fuse in Confused,

C

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